We all have a soldier is us...

I am thinking about the BRAVE today. The people who had the courage to fight for what they believe in. To fight for the lives of loved ones and strangers. The courage these hearts contain to me is a glimpse into God's love for us. Humble, unconditional, and faithful. With it being Veterans Day, I am reminded that‎ "This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave." -Elmer Davis 

Not by any means am I trying to take away the much needed recognition from the brave soldiers who have shed blood for us, or the ones who are fighting for our freedom today...but I couldn't help my mind from wandering to the depths of just simple loss. The loss of a life. It led me to think about all the other BRAVE, courageous souls that have fought for what they believe in, or what they love. Some of these people are never, ever recognized. Some of these people fought a silent battle. This blog is my dedication to the BRAVE. Of all walks of life. Of all subject matters. 

This is to the ones who have...

Lost their lives due to domestic violence.

Lost their lives because they didn't back down from their religious stand.

Died in honor of their heritage. 

Stood and died in the way of danger to help a complete stranger. 

Died battling a deadly disease. 

Died serving their families in honor. 

Died fighting a silent battle.

Etc...

My heart and prayers are with you if you have lost someone who you truly know was BRAVE. My heart hangs heavy today for the loved ones I have lost this year. One thing I hope, is to leave this earth with dignity and respect. I hope that people can look back on my life and say, "Alicia was BRAVE. She fought 'til she couldn't fight anymore". 

This is my wish and prayer for you today. That we all find our inner heros and courage, and that we never forget those who bared the pain, shed the blood, or fought for who they loved. It doesn't just take someone in the military to carry the title "soldier". I believe we are all soldiers. We fight battles every single day in this life. Wether physical or mental; pain is pain & BRAVE is BRAVE. We always have the choice to be BRAVE and to stand up and fight for what we believe in! God bless all today who have passed away bearing the chest plate of BRAVERY. 

be BRAVE. 

xoxo

jesus loves you and so do i.

growing up, realizing, and moving on...

"It happens to everyone as they grow up. 

You find out who you are and what you want, 

and then you realize that people you've known forever 

don't see things the way you do. 

So you keep the wonderful memories, 

but find yourself moving on." 

-Nicholas Sparks 

I think when you finally understand this quote inside and out, 

you've truly grown up and finally found your own inner identity. 

I don't believe love changes. People do. Circumstance do.

We all take different roads, make different choices, experience different pains, bare scars like finger prints;

some of us will experience life in ways no one else on this earth ever will, making all of us unique.

All this molds us into the characters we become in our own storybook life.

And we all handle it very differently. 

Some of us decide to be the heros of our own stories. 

We decide to rise above the wars of life and claim victory over things uncontrollable.

Some of us play the victim. 

Some of us find the easy way out because we really are too weak to carry our own weight.

Some of us turn the pain inward and make ourselves villains. 

We get so stuck in believing "life isn't fair",

that eventually the hate and insecurities we never let go rule our minds and hearts. 

Some of us decide to live in the mirrors of free will. 

We decide to not be affected by the ups and downs of life, 

because maybe they once affected us so much, 
we realized we won't let anything else rule us, other than ourselves.

Some of us might not ever experience extreme trials, 
so we are simply the onlookers, and the crutches to the weary.

We all like to pretend we are the heros, the ones who overcome,
 but truthfully, what are you in your storybook?

Some of these characters once saw eye to eye, but do not anymore.

Some once lived close to identical lives, but than decided to take different roads.

Some merge together beautifully to find some of the best lovers, friends, and strangers they've ever met.

I think finally understanding we are all different and finally learning to truly let go, 

is the beauty of realizing life and true acceptance of it.

This doesn't mean you won't love them anymore, you will always love them.

But when realizing this takes place...

you've grown up.

  

The past couple years have shaken the inner most grounds in me. 

Without the separation of death, just the sole facts of life and beliefs,

I have been unfortunate enough to lose a best friend, a family member, and a lover.

I have also gained some beautiful, new relationships. 

I am now okay with letting people go. I have accepted the beauty of this and of moving on.

We all will never see eye to eye.

So if time separates that and if life's twists and turns cause a divide,

there is nothing we can do inside our power other than, let them go.

Let them go and let yourself rest in peace.

If they come back to you, and if life allows roads to merge back together again,

than so be it.

But until than, our inner happiness and sanity is #1.

I believe we have to accept the unfortunate 
and the things and people we will never understand...

it's the art of living on.

We all write our own story, we have the power to make it happy.

Above all of this, just know...

the future always has the ability to hold happiness, so move on, it's just waiting for you.

xoxo

jesus loves you and so i   

a love that lasts....forever

I held back the tears until I made it to the bathroom. As soon as I made it through the bathroom door the tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. It was one of those moments I couldn't stop my tears from falling even if someone had paid me a million bucks. I started praying for her. I asked God to comfort her, to take her into His healing hands and soothe her pain. I begged and pleaded with Him to give me the pain rather than her. I asked for His will to be done in her life, but most of all for His mercy and peace on her soul. Her lonely soul. Her widowed soul; because her soulmate of 47 years had flown Home, to be with Jesus in heaven, too soon, and...without her. It all was so real, and I couldn't quite imagine her pain. 

I went to lunch with my parents. It was a happy day. My parents were in a great mood. We were all laughing and cuttin up with eachother. Now see, I am the type of person that is extremely aware of my surroundings at all times. Cautious, I guess you could say so. Aware of other peoples pain and expressions, I guess you could say I read people well. Well there was a sweet, little old lady sitting in the booth across from us. I noticed her watching us intently. I noticed her smiling while my parents laughed and danced in the booth jokingly. I noticed her smile and than look down to continue eating. At that very moment, it was like someone took a needle and pricked it on my hearts most sensitive part. I felt the pain behind her eyes. I could feel the loneliness that surrounded her. I could see the admiration in her longing eyes that were windows to the memories of her long lived, happy past. 

Before I knew it, she sparked conversation. "Where do ya'll go to church?" she said softly but desperately. Desperately wanting a conversation, probably just to talk. We replied. She went on to talk about where she attends church and how her husband was director of their church choir for over 40 years. She went on to brag about the amazing musician he was and the talent he had helped groom. My parents couldn't hear her as well as I could, but I tell you what. I heard every word. I let every word she said sink in. I smiled and laughed at her, so she knew I was very tuned into what she was saying. I wanted her to feel like my listening was sincere. After a couple stories we went back to eating.

Out of nowhere she says, "My husband passed away of cancer, I miss him so much, everyday." The pain in her eyes and the tears swelling up as I tried my best to comfort her from a far, hit a nerve with me. I held back my tears. She started to tell us stories about what an amazing, wonderful man he was. She began to tell me a story I'll never, ever forget... 

"I was in the kitchen one day, cooking dinner for the family, just mindin my own business. When all of a sudden my husband came up behind me and put his arms around my waist, turned me around and looked me dead in the eye and said 'honey, I just want you to know how much I love you and adore you. I never thought I would find someone who loved me for who I really am.' "

A tear fell down her face, but she smiled. She began to say, "I miss him everyday. He was the best man I've ever known. He was really my best friend. It's been since 2000 I've been without him, but I still miss him dearly."

Wow. 10 years? I was under the impression it had happened recently. I tried to contain my composure. I let her finish her story than excused myself to the restroom. That's when I began to cry and pray for her. After realizing I had probably been gone too long, I wiped my eyes, patted my face with water, and I went back to the table. My father excused himself to pay the bill. The lady than looked at my Mother with the utmost glowing, beautiful, honesty I've ever seen. And she said, "Don't ever take one day for granted with your husband. You just never know when he'll be gone."

This lady was one of those moments when God kinda bops you on the head. It's one of those blessings in disguise. Little does this woman know, but she changed my life. I think what sparked her conversation was her seeing my parents together. Smiling, laughing, having fun. It made her reminisce on her days of joy with the love of her life. 

I've grown up so much the past couple years. I truly used to think love was about the romance. Kinda like how the movies consistently portray love. But I have learned whole heartedly, that's just a silly fairy tale, and we all know fairy tales do not exist. True love is this story, right here. It is the pure, real love this woman had for her husband, and the love he had for her. Their marriage that lasted until "death do us part", and even 10 years after his death, the love she still carries for him and only him. The foundation of best friends before lovers. The never giving up, even if they wanted to. This is love. And man, it's amazing to see from this angle! So I can only imagine what it's like to live and truly feel it. 

It left me wide eyed to love. It proved to me what REALLY MATTERS. Out of everything they ever did together (and keep in mind they were together 47 years), but out of everything, when she decided to tell us about their love and the type of man he was, she told us the simplest, yet most beautiful story of them all. When he grabbed her unexpectedly and confessed his love and gratitude towards her. That is so real, and still gives me chills to think about.

I think we all need to be left wide eyed every now and than. To remind us what makes this world turn. What drives us to want and need a lover. We were created to love. We were created to have a companion to share life with and to love forever. It's not the fancy nights out, the romantic getaways, or the materialistic things they bought together that she remembers...it's the simple, yet breath taking way he loved her. So real and honest. True soulmates, a love that last...forever. 

xoxo

Jesus loves you and so do I. 

Just the beginning.

You know when you hear that little voice inside you that says, 

"maybe you shouldn't do that", 

"eh that's a red flag", 

"i wouldn't trust that!"

well, that is our...

intuition!

and I tell you what, it's 99.9% of the time always right! We as human beings always try to cover the wool over our own eyes to guard ourselves from pain. We love to pretend what we really know is true, just can't be the case. When really, it's always the case. I've come to learn that it takes an extremely strong, thick skinned, durable person to actually admit the reality around them. Accepting that those "gut instinct feelings" hold truth. 

Most of the time our minds talk us out of what our gut is telling us. We always want to decide on what our path will be because we think we know what is best for ourselves. When really...it's not quite up to us. We have free will, yes, but I believe God's will, will always prevail! The truth will be exposed at one point or another. So ignoring what we're not strong enough to accept yet, is only setting us back and keeping us from where we really need to be. Living this way will always be the route that is more painful because letting go of something you know isn't right, brings inner peace. So wether it's in a job, a relationship, a dream, your health, etc...trust your gut! I believe there is extreme power in that "little voice" inside each of us. Today, I challenge you to trust yours. 

My goal for the next couple months, is to NO MATTER WHAT, TRUST that voice. I believe that voice is God. I believe God gives us read flags. I believe God tries to save us from trouble or heartbreak. I believe it takes a trusting person to trust themselves fully. So today, I promise, to trust myself more. Will you? 

xoxo

Jesus loves you and so do I.